Your Higher Self Message #11 - Family Conflict
YOUR HIGHER SELF MESSAGE #11
July 2nd 2020 (Channeled 070120)
SUBJECT: FAMILY CONFLICT
LAURA: Well, Hellooooooo our Spiritual Family!!! So great to be connecting with you again through Your Higher Self messages. Today’s message is in response to one of you who sent in a question for us to answer. Connie and I talked about this the other day, but we didn’t decide how exactly we would address the question… through a video, in writing, together… we hadn’t gotten that far. The answer automatically came through as soon as I started to check in on what your Higher Self wanted to talk about today. This seems to be an issue for a lot of people right now. Please let us know how this message has helped you, and what questions you have. We will not share your information or who asked the question unless we get permission. This message is channeled as examples to help ANYONE who is having issues with family… and let’s be honest! Who doesn’t!?! We each have our own unique personalities and so there’s naturally going to be conflict. We are living a real life experience. But what do you do when it’s overwhelming? What do you do when you’ve tried everything? Your Higher Self answered today with some very specific examples and solutions!
As I channel a message for you, I am connecting with my guides known as Abraham. Abraham is a collective consciousness that comes together as a group to help all of us in any area. They are available to anyone who wants a higher perspective. When I channel Your Higher Self messages, I am connecting with everyone’s energy who will ever read this message. The answers are always full of support, guidance and unconditional love. These messages also raise your vibration and help bring healing to wherever you need it most.
***YOUR HIGHER SELF MESSAGE BEGINS HERE***
LAURA: Good morning, Abraham. We had a message come in from a client about family issues right now. This person was asking if we could talk about how to help families going through conflict and struggle at this time. Do you have any advice that could help people who are having problems within their family?
YOUR HIGHER SELF: We would like to begin by saying that you are not alone. Many of you, even when you are not quarantined, may feel alone. We would suggest this is an excellent opportunity to connect with your inner guidance system and connect with your inner knowing to guide you. We would also like to address the way in which you can connect. When you are not in an upset state, take a few moments each day to meditate. Close your eyes, relax, breathe. If it is helpful, count backwards from 20 to 0. This will help you release any anxiety or heightened fears. It is important to find ways to relax. Once you have given yourself a few minutes to relax, focus on a desire, one main desire or area that you would like to shift and change. Visualize that area of your life the way you want it. Visualize yourself happy. See yourself playing, laughing, having fun. It doesn't necessarily have to be with any of the individuals you are currently experiencing difficulties with. But it is very valuable to spend time in this happy state. You may not be aware, but when you do this, this raises your vibration, and you begin to vibrate at the speed necessary to bring in the very things you are desiring: peace, happiness, joy, love. We would encourage you to do this process often. Many of you are skipping this process with TV, games, mindless activities.
Family member conflict: There are many resolutions to this process. We will offer a few today. Taking time to meditate, to connect with inner peace is the beginning. It is important not to skip this step! Yes, it takes times, but it builds momentum of centering, grounding, feelings of being connected, which is the very thing you are looking to achieve. The relaxed state exercise is meant to be done for a few minutes each day. Each time you do this, you are connecting with the very source energy you are wishing to bring into your life. When you change your inner vibration, your outer vibration will shift and change as well. When you are asking the question, "How do you deal with conflict within your family when you are living with your family?", what you are really asking is, "How do I get others to stop upsetting me?" There are those who will choose to have conflict. Conflict is a choice. We would say remove yourself from the situation.
Say you have a relative who is beginning to upset you as you are speaking with them, either in person or on the phone. Take a moment and recognize you are starting to feel uncomfortable, anxious, irritated, this is the moment to back up and remove yourself from this situation. Simple. Say, "I have to go." Find a way to remove yourself from the negative energy that is about to direct you in a downward spiral. If you instead want to force the issue and get the other person to see your point of view, this is where the conflict will begin. (Read that again!) The way to get another to see your point of view is not through force. Do you really hear another when they are yelling? No. Most are only receiving the vibration of the anger energy and wanting it to stop. If you are the aggressor, this will feel good as in a release for you to relieve the pressure. The actual issue rarely is what is being discussed. It is important to discuss an issue when you are calm, when both of you can see both sides. If you are dealing with someone who is not willing or able or wanting to see both sides, there's no point in having the discussion. You are not needing their approval, per se. You are not needing them to see your side. Some of your frustration will come from wanting another to see your point of view. Release the want of trying to get another to see your point of view. If you need them to validate this for you, this is your work to do. Do you see?
If you are upset because your partner does not see all that you do and they are not holding up their end of the bargain, per se, in the relationship, this has been a continual issue that is needing honest and open communication. You will need to voice your wants, needs and desires. If another is not owning their part or their piece in responsibility over and over and over again, do not take this personally. It is not because they are not in love with you "enough". It is not because you have not said what you need the proper way. This is where you are needing to be clear. As an example, by stating, "This is what I need..." As you convey to another your desires, notice how they respond to you. Are they defensive? This is their "stuff". Are they reactionary? This is their stuff. Are they being honest and truthful? Are they in denial? Do they become aggressive? Are they abusing a substance? Are they lying to themselves and you? This is not your stuff.
How do you get another to respond differently to you? You are needing to respond differently. This next step is to pause and reflect. Asking yourself what do you want. Of course, you are wanting peace and happiness. Here is the key: You can achieve this no matter what situation you are in. Taking moments to find peace in your day, regardless of what your spouse or another is doing, will help to shift your attention and focus. Your attention and focus is needing to be on you, not on the other person. Many of you will feel, "Well, if they would only do what I want them to do, I would be happy." This is not so. Focus on your own internal work. Meaning, take time to see the patterns within the situation that is causing the upset within you. It will not be the yelling. It will not be the actual argument or fight, per se. Many times it is an underlying root that is needing to be healed.
For instance, maybe you are feeling you are not being appreciated. Take time to appreciate yourself. Do not look to another to fill this space. Maybe you are feeling lonely or misunderstood. Take time to connect with that part of you that is feeling this way and find other ways to fill this space that is not including another person or thing. Meditate. Journal. Breathe. Go for a walk. Connect with nature. Connect with animals. Shift your focus on what is working in your life.
This is the next step. Take a few moments to think of a person or situation that is causing you upset. Now, write down all of the positive qualities about this person or situation. Write down at least 10 things that you are grateful for or that you have learned or are learning from this person or situation. This is how you shift your focus. Look for the good. Find the good. This will help you to see this person or situation differently. It does not matter who is causing you upset. There's always good in each situation. You are only needing to see it and focus on that aspect to shift the energy of the situation, each and every time. It is always about moving the energy of discord up the emotional scale to harmony.
Now, change of scenario. Imagine you are so angry. You are so angry that this person said these horrible, mean things to you. You are having a rant in your mind about all of the things this person said to you or did to you. Everything could be fine and then they say something that puts you over the edge. One of the reasons is because there are unresolved issues that occurred before this that have not been addressed. Take time to resolve those. Sit with yourself when you have a moment. What were the issues that upset you? Do they all have a common theme? If so, let's say the issue is trust. So each instance going forward where there is an issue of trust, you are noticing you are having a reaction, sometimes an over-reaction. What if you changed the story. "This person is really trying. This person really loves me. This person is being honest right now. This person may not always have the rights words to say, but most of the time they mean well. Maybe I could look at it from their point of view. Maybe I could try to be more understanding. Maybe I could express myself in a clearer way. Maybe I could try a new approach. Maybe I could take a deep breath and ask more questions before I assume. Maybe my reaction is because of past issues not connected with right now. Maybe I am reacting for fear of being hurt. Maybe I could see how this person means well. Maybe they are really trying to help me." This is one scenario you could try to shift the energy. Yet, this is not always the case. Allow your intuition to guide you in this. You will know which of these exercises will be most beneficial for each relationship.
You may be needing to remove yourself from a toxic person. If you are living with a toxic person, such as someone who is an alcoholic, a rager, abusive verbally, emotionally, mentally or physically, this is a toxic person. This is a situation you are needing to remove yourself from completely. There will be no benefit to subjecting yourself to this type of instability. Mental illness (if not managed) can also be a form of a toxic person, depending on the behavior. Extreme highs and lows would be an example. We would suggest disengaging as often as possible until you are able to be completely free from this situation. If you are in a home with this type of person, it is very important to find a way to exit immediately. This type of person will drain your energy constantly. And you will only be the charge to their battery. This is a cycle that will never end. This is not your work. This is their work. You may be trying to keep the peace, to get the other to see your perspective and to maintain the status quo. This will not work for long. This type of situation will run you down, physically emotionally, energetically until you have nothing even for yourself, especially for yourself. It may not be possible for you to leave, but you can disengage as much as possible. And you can meditate. And you can find peace within.
If you have a family member who continues to push your buttons, again, take time to look within and get to the root of why this is triggering you. For instance, say you are 20 years old and most of the time you talk to your mother she is making fun of you or poking fun at you. Say she is cutting you down by throwing past situations in your face. "Well, you never hold onto a relationship. You’re always messing things up. It's no wonder you're not dating anyone. What do you expect when you are overweight? How could someone like you when you never put on any makeup?!" Let's use this as an example for now. We are wanting you to see this is a projection of the mother's issues, not the daughter's. Should the daughter take these statements on as truth? Or are the mother's comments projections of her own fears? When you are not emotionally invested, most times you will be able to see through a situation. When you are in it, there is deep emotion involved. This is why we are suggesting to take a step back and recognize this type of verbally abusive behavior is a habit, a behavior connected to the mother. The daughter in this situation would need to say something to the effect of, "I don't agree with you. You are entitled to your opinion, but I am not you. I need to go now." To engage would give the mother what she is looking for, a fight. She is poking at her daughter to get her to engage. This is where it is imperative to take a step back and remove yourself from this situation.
If you are in a family where you are not feeling supported, loved, understood, appreciated, release needing these feelings to come from anyone else. Find appreciation within yourself. Find support within yourself. Take time to nurture friendships and relationships that do offer support, that do offer understanding. All of these feelings ultimately need to come from within you in order to project them outwardly to others, and to then have others project them back to you in a positive way. This is a process of setting clear boundaries. Once you begin to give yourself what you are looking for from another, you will then find it becomes easier and easier to stand up for yourself and not take what others say to heart. When this daughter begins to disengage from her mother and not allow her mother to upset her, seeing her words for what they really are (her own fears/insecurities), it takes away the mother's power and puts the power back to the daughter. The daughter will begin to remove herself from the negative comments more often and will begin to calmly state "that may be your truth, but it is not mine" more often. And this will create a new habit. More introspection is required, less reactivity. Go within more often. This will help you to center. This will help you to see the truth of the situation. And this is where your power lies, within.
Take time to connect with your inner guidance system today and see what messages your Higher Self has for you. With much love, Abraham and Your Higher Self.